1. Backwards (27' 22")

14/11/1989

Maria Friedman (Waitress) Tony Hawks (Compere) Arthur Smith (Pub Manager) Anna Palmer (Customer in Cafe)

The episode opens with 'Star Wars' style text explaining that Lister gave birth to twin boys that were returned to the other dimension, Holly has changed his face to look like his counterpart from that universe, and that Kryten has returned and become part of the crew.  While Lister and Cat discuss the sexiness of Wilma Flintstone, Kryten and Rimmer take the Starbug for a piloting lesson in order for them to become more independent. They accidentally pass through a time hole and appear on Earth where everything runs in reverse order. While Lister and Cat attempt to find them, they get a job as a novelty act in a pub, showing off their 'forwards' actions.  Lister and Cat finally track them down but Rimmer and Kryten don't want to leave claiming that the world makes more sense this way. They are soon fired for causing a pub brawl and then proceed to start the fight in true bar-room brawl fashion (or rather a bar-room tidy).

Originally the season opener was going to pick up the story of Lister's pregnancy, however Rob Grant and Doug Naylor realised that their script was becoming sexist and homophobic. Therefore the idea was shelved and it was left to the very fast scrolling text at the beginning of the episode to explain things. Holly's head-sex change operation between seasons 2 and 3 was due to Norman Lovett wanting to reduce the rehearsal hours due to health and travel reasons. The producers agreed to give him the time but for a lower pay than the rest of the cast, which Norman refused. Paul Jackson then suggested looking for a new Holly and Hattie Hayridge auditioned for the role.  In the backwards universe, the man shown smoking a cigarette backwards is series creator/writer Rob Grant; and the man playing the saxophone is Production Manager Mike Agnew.  Although never stated on the show, the change in the Dwarfers living quarters this season is explained by the producers as them moving up to the Officer's Quarters and making use of the better conditions.  If you reverse the scene where Kryten and Rimmer are sacked you will find that the Manager is actually saying stuff like "I'm not actually addressing you am I? I'm addressing the one poor, sad git in the country who has bothered to play this backwards and find out what I'm saying!" You can actually watch the entire episode of 'Backwards' backwards on the Series III DVD, and find out exactly what everyone is saying.  Rimmer's "Captain Emerald" costume debuts with this episode, along with a new costume for Lister who began to look less like a slob and dressed rather smartly.  Much of the changes in the look of the show (new sets, etc) are due to the late Mel Bibby, the new Production Designer for Red Dwarf from this episode onwards. The Red Dwarf Series III DVD contains a tribute to his work.  There is a new title sequence for Red Dwarf from this episode, with a new "rock guitar" arrangement of the theme music. From here on, the titles comprise images from the show (relevant to the particular sequence), culminating in the Red Dwarf logo (appearing on-screen for the first time in this episode).  The only reason that Rimmer was given a hat with an 'antenna' on the top was to disguise the wire that pulls him up and out of starbug.

2. Marooned (28' 59")

21/11/1989

The crew evacuate the ship after Holly spots five black holes in the distance. Rimmer and Lister leave together in Starbug but hit a meteor and crash on a snow planet with no way to escape. With little food and heat, Lister begins to open up to Rimmer to try and take his mind off the situation, including talking about Rimmer's fascination with war and when they both lost their virginities.  Soon the fire dies down and the only thing left to burn is Lister's guitar and Rimmer's priceless camphorwood chest. Lister makes him think that he will burn the guitar but instead cuts a guitar-shaped hole in the back of the chest and burns that. However, his smugness turns to guilt when Rimmer says that the chest belonged to his father and is worth more to him than life. When Kryten and Cat finally find them, Lister grabs his guitar and hightails it before Rimmer can realise what he did.

The dog food Craig Charles eats during the episode was actually corned beef with dog food-like additives, which was as horrible as real dog food would be and Craig spat it out off-camera. The myth surrounding whether it was dog food or not was fostered by the cast for awhile. This episode was originally titled 'Men of Honour' but was changed to 'Marooned' when the writers went for single-word titles that clearly defined the premise of the episode (Polymorph, Bodyswap etc).

3. Polymorph (26' 34")

28/11/1989

Kalli Greenwood (Rimmer's Mum) Simon Gaffney (Young Rimmer) Frances Barber (Genny)

A pod arrives aboard Red Dwarf containing a genetic mutant which can change itself into any shape whatsoever. It appears to Lister in it's true form, bringing him to the height of his terror, and then sucking his fear right out of him.  While they are searching for it, Cat is chased by his own heat-seeking bazookoid balls, and eventually manages evade them and lock them in a room. The Polymorph gets the Cat and takes away his vanity by appearing as a beautiful woman and flattering him. It then appears as Rimmer and blames Kryten for the Cat beng attacked, thereby taking away Kryten's guilt.  Later, when the three get back it appears as Rimmer's mother, pretending to have slept with Lister, angering Rimmer so much that it feeds off him also.  The gang now have very different personalities: we have Rimmer, a "wannabe" hippy, (T-shirt saying "Give quiche a chance"), Lister with nerves of steel and willing to sacrifice his life to kill it, Kryten with no sense of loyalty or guilt, and the Cat, a bum. They continue their search for the Polymorph and suddenly it comes up and attacks from behind.  Luckily, an automatic door opens, releasing the bazookoid balls that were chasing the cat. The crew duck and the polymorph is destroyed. All the crew get their emotions back and they are free from the polymorph. Or so it may seem...

The Remastered version of this episode contained a new ending. Originally we saw the crew walking single file past the camera with two Listers bringing up the rear, the second one snarling at the camera and then changing into another Polymorph. The new ending simply had scrolling text giving a brief (and silly) story of what happened to the second Polymorph. Personally I think they should have left it as it was. The reason the ending was changed in The Remastered version was because Doug Naylor was getting tired of fans asking what happened to the second Polymorph. Really, it's pretty obvious what happened - just use your imagination.  On the DVD commentary, Craig Charles says that they recieved some hate mail because of this episode, particularly about the CLITORIS joke. One woman apparently wrote that she was so appalled by the joke she would never watch the show again and also was embarrased that she had to explain what clitoris meant to her 8-year-old daughter.  In the Remastered version Kalli Greenwood (Rimmer's Mum) had her voice dubbed with a younger, more spophisticated-sounding womans voice to emphasise how Rimmer described his mum earlier. Also new sound effects for the heat-seeking missiles that chased Cat around the cargo bay were added.  UK Gold apparently cut Lister's line "Well I say let's get out there and twat it!" short when they broadcast the episode.  The Polymorph turns into the following (in order) in this episode: teddy bear, bucket & spade, potted plant with red flowers, yellow toy dumper truck, china flamenco doll, white old-fashioned telephone, elephant ornament, hat, baseball glove & ball, boxer action figure, toy drum, yellow workman's lantern, red toy Volkswagen beetle, rollerskate, traffic cone, frilly lamp shade, inflatable penguin, yellow piggy bank, Ken doll, blue plastic chamber pot, alarm clock, rubber ball, white trainer, saucepan, yellow "koosh" ball, scrubbing brush, silver pail, fish bath toy, statue of Hindu god, light bulb, toy horn, sponge ball, red-and-black striped sock, fluffy white rabbit, basketball, kebab, red boxer shorts, snake, Genny (woman who hits on The Cat), Rimmer, Rimmer's Mum and Lister.

4. Bodyswap (26' 47")

06/12/1989

Lia Williams (Voice of Carol Brown)

A scutter has gone mad and rerouted the entire ships circuitry and Rimmer and Kryten can't find the self-destruct mechanism but Lister accidentally activates it when he orders a milkshake and chocolate bar from a vending machine. Needing one of the senior officers to deactivate it, Kryten introduces them to a mind-swap, which involves implanting another crew-members brain (via a disc on which all of their brain patterns were kept) into Lister's body. Even though the technique works it does not fool the computer into deactivating the auto-destruct. The count-down finishes, and Lister recieves his milkshake and choc bar from the vending machine as there is no bomb on board the ship.  Rimmer decides that the brain-switching idea is a good one and he persuades Lister to loan him his body, promising to get him fit. Lister finally agrees and they swap, but Rimmer is too busy being able to eat and drink to care about what he does to Lister's body. Lister forces him to swap back, but with Kryten's unwilling help, Rimmer steals Lister's body during the night and does a runner with Starbug. Lister, Cat and Kryten give chase in Blue Midget, but as they catch up, Rimmer crashes.  Back in his own body Lister gives Kryten the third degree, whose guilt chip is in overload. Rimmer walks in with a stunned look and speaks in the Cat's voice. Cat walks in and in Rimmer's voice, promises to give his body back in a few days and starts to gorge himself on a pile of food.

Lister tells Cat they are going to chase after Rimmer in White Midget, but we then see them flying in Blue Midget. In the Remastered version, Lister's voice is dubbed over so he says "The Midget" instead of "White Midget".  The actual mistake came from the writing and preparation of the series. Originally the new smaller ship that would be used was a White Midget, a similar version of the Blue Midget, but the producers then invented the Starbug which would be bigger and allow for more room to film inside. Unfortunately the line wasn't changed in this episode. Due to the heavy amount of redubbing involved, this episode was the first not filmed before a studio audience.  A scene deleted from this episode involved Kryten lighting Rimmer-as-Lister's cigar with his finger while they are in a sauna. During filming, Robert Llewellyn became so hot and sweaty in the Kryten costume that his sweat short-circuited the wires used for the lighter and was mildly electrocuted. Sadly, this scene seems to have been lost for good and doesn't appear on the Series III DVD.

5. Timeslides (27' 45")

13/12/1989

Robert Addie (Gilbert) Emile Charles (Young Lister) Simon Gaffney (Young Rimmer) Stephen McKintosh ('Thicky' Holden) Koo Stark (Sabrina Mulholland-Jjones) Ruby Wax (Blaize Falconberger) Rupert Bates (Bodyguard) Richard Hainsworth (Bodyguard) Louisa Ruthven (Ski Woman) Mark Steel (Ski Man)

Lister declares he is sick of life on Red Dwarf and wishes that he never joined the JMC in the first place. Kryten is developing photos in the photo lab when he discovers that they can move, to which Holly suggests that the developing fluid must have mutated.  Kryten shows some moving slides to the crew and Lister finds that he can walk into the projection and really be there, only he cannot move outside the frame of the picture. Lister uses this as his ticket off Red Dwarf by making himself unbelievably rich. He takes a tension sheet (just bubble-wrap packing paper painted red) and goes into a photo of himself at 17 and tells himself to patent the invention.  When they return, Lister, Cat and Kryten disappear. (Kryten wasn't rescued and the Cat race never existed) Rimmer cannot bear being on his own and goes to convince Lister to come back. Upon failing that, he goes further back in time to give the invention to himself at boarding school.  Lister, Cat and Kryten are returned, although he only succeeded in putting things back the way they were. As a consequence of his actions, Rimmer discovers that he is not a hologram anymore, but is alive. This doesn't last long though, as in his excitement he hits two crates of dynamite and blows himself up.

Craig Charles and his band, The Sons of Gordon Gekko wrote three songs for this episode: 'Cash', played as Lister drives up to his mansion; 'Bad News', the song Kryten listens to while developing photos; and the 'Om' song. The young Lister is played by Emile Charles, Craig's younger brother.  Well known British comedienne and TV presenter Ruby Wax is the wife of director Ed Bye.  The skiing couple in Lister's slide originally had lines telling us of how they ended up with Lister's party photos (as Lister got the pictures of the skiiers by accident). Their dialogue was cut from the final episode when Craig Charles pointed out they wouldn't have seen Lister's photos at that point.  When the gang go back to Lister's past and see him playing with "Smeg and the Heads", the Heads are actually Jeff Walker and Bill Steer of the grindcore band Napalm Death (and also founder members of Carcass) who Craig had recently recorded with.  Kryten makes a joke about going back in time and stopping the Kennedy assassination. Funnily enough, this is what happens in the season 7 premiere "Tikka to Ride".

6. The Last Day (27' 23")

20/12/1989

Gordon Kennedy (Hudzen 10) Julie Higginson (Marilyn Monroe android) Robert Llewellyn (Jim Reaper)

A mail pod arrives containing a message indicating that the "out-dated" Kryten must be dismantled and his replacement will arrive within 24 hours; a new, and improved "Hudzen 10". Kryten is not upset though, because now he goes to Silicon Heaven. Lister is shocked at this idea, and explains that there's no such thing as silicon heaven, but Kryten isn't convinced. The crew throw a "going away" party for Kryten, in which we find out that Lister was an orphan and Rimmer got his first french kiss from his uncle Frank, who thought he was his mother.  The next morning, the crew wake up with hangovers and Kryten decides that he wants to stay. A ship requests docking, and the crew meet the replacement in the docking bay. They try and fight off the Hudzen 10 so Kryten will not have to leave, but he is too strong. Eventually Kryten informs him of the absence of silicon heaven, which causes Hudzen 10's circuits to overload.

Rimmer spent on the Samaritans switchboard - when he drove all five callers to suicide, despite one being a wrong number! A similar experience was suffered by Gordon Brittas in The Brittas Empire (also played by Chris Barrie), right down to the wrong number. This episode was written to replace the pregnancy-resolving storyline that was shelved at the beginning of the series.  This episode contains Robert Llewelyn's first appearance outside of the Kryten costume.  Hudson's helmet was originally 1 of a few helmets made and used in the 4 part Doctor Who story "Earthshock". Both the goggles and mask were part of the helmet. The helmets were repainted used again in 2 more Dr who stories.  The helmets would later be used in season 8 as the prison guard helmets worn by Red Dwarfs prison guards.