If I Were a Carpenter
Dennis, Neville and Oz head for Germany, looking for work as bricklayers. They get work in Dusseldorf, but only two bricklayers are needed. Dennis makes out that Neville is a carpenter so that the trio can stay together. Neville isn't too happy with his work, since his carpentry skills are very limited.
He decides to call it a day and head back home. That night, he goes out on the
town and has too much to drink. He wakes up next morning with a tattoo on his arm, dedicated to someone named Lotte. He decides
that he'll have to stay in Dusseldorf for the time being.
b: 11/Nov/1983
Who Won the War Anyway?
Neville is suspended from work when his boss finds out that he's a bricklayer rather than a carpenter. Watching a group of men playing football, Neville spots an unexploded bomb which has
been unearthed by a mechanical digger. He raises the alarm and is hailed as a hero. The boss finds a bricklaying job for him. There's a sudden vacancy because Oz has been in a fight with a group of Germans and
has been sacked. The German workers go on strike until Oz is reinstated.
b: 18/Nov/1983
The Girls They Left Behind
Oz's wife, Marjorie, hasn't heard from him for quite a while and she's getting desperate
for money. She goes to see Dennis' wife, Vera, and asks her where the lads are in Germany. Oz gets a letter from Marjorie, but marks it 'not known at this address'
and sends it back. He takes a trip to watch a football match, gets drunk and wakes up on a plane bound for Newcastle. He makes his way home and gives Marjorie a sob story about not having any money.
When Oz is still missing after several days, the lads back in Dusseldorf auction off his belongings
and send the proceeds to his Newcatle address. He reappears to find that Marjorie has, apparetly, got the money she wanted
from him after all.
b: 25/Nov/1983
Suspicion
Something very expensive goes missing from the hut and they all begin to suspect each other. So in a bid to
catch out the culprit various plans are hatched but as usual all of them end in failure. But in the ed it turns out that the
thief isn't one of them at all but someone from outside the hut.
b: 02/12/1983
Home Thoughts from Abroad
gs: Ahmed Khalil (Indian Waiter)
Bomber's sixteen-year-old daughter runs away from her home in Bristol, so Bomber returns home to be with his wife while the search for their child continues. The missing daughter finds her way to Germany and turns up on the
site looking for her father. The lads decide to hide her in the hut until Bomber returns. But can they keep her a secret from
the Germans until Bomber returns?
b: 09/12/1983
The Accused
Neville meets a German girl in a bar and they share a taxi home. The girl is later assaulted and Neville
is arrested by the police for the assault and protests his innocense. but none
of his English friends are of any use to him it takes a group of German workers from the building site track down the real
culprit and force him to give himself up to the police, and therefore freeing Neville.
b: 16/12/1983
Private Lives
Dennis is getting it together with Dagmar from the site office. He takes her off to a hotel for a romantic interlude. Meanwhile, Wayne and Barry are 'on the pull' and have met up with a couple of Swedish
air hostesses staying at the same hotel. Oz decides to play a practical joke on them, so he rings the hotel and leaves a message
telling Barry and Wayne to go up to a particular room. The room is occupied by a German couple who think they're being mugged.
Wayne and Barry have to 'do a runner' from the hotel. Their escapades ruin Dennis
and Dagmar's chances of a romantic evening.
b: 30/12/1983
The Fugitive
gs: Ray Winstone (Colin)
The lads go off for a weekend's fishing in the country, where they meet up with an English hitchhiker who is
very mysterious, they lads suspicions grow when he later runs away from the police. However after a large confruntation the
lads find out the truth, the boys turns out to be AWOL from the Army. The lads persuade him to do the right thins and return
to his unit.
b: 06/01/1983
The Alien
MacGowan is a violent Irish nutcase. Nobody on the building site likes him and he's always getting into fights
and causing trouble. And with Bomber away he ends up as an unwelcome guest in the hut. However the lads find an ingenius way
of getting rid of him.
b: 13/01/1984
Last Rites
While visiting a local hospital, Dennis and Neville become friendly with a Geordie expatriot
named Hedley. He stayed in Germany after 'leaving' the Army and now has a terminal illness. Meanwhile, Oz has come up with a scheme to make money by exporting hardcore pornaographic videos from Germany to England. He talks Barry and Moxie into investing in the scheme and looks for a way to
smuggle the videos to England. When Hedley dies suddenly, Oz talks
the rest of the lads into paying for the body to be taken back to England for burial. He plans
to hide the porno videos in the coffin. Wayne is
going home for a family wedding, so he's talked into visiting Hedley's sister and arranging for the body to be handed over.
He discovers that she doesn't want anything to do with her brother, who was apparently thrown out of the Army for racketeering. Hedley is cremated in Germany and Oz learns that
his investment has gone up in smoke.
b: 20/01/1984
The Lovers
Barry talks the lads into redecorating the hut, using paint 'redistributed' from the site stores. Oz pretends to be a rich man's son to impress a German girl. He falls in love with her, only to discover
that she has a Turkish boyfriend who owns a local 'sauna parlour'.
Oz almost ends up being knifed by the Turk, but is rescued when the Turks on the building site convince the
wouldbe attacker that Oz is 'otherwise inclined'.
b: 27/01/1984
Love and Other Four Letter Words
Dennis' wife, Vera, visits him in Dusseldorf and tells him that she wants
to try to rescue their marriage. With Vera and the kids back home to consider, will he sty in Germany or Returnt the Sunny shores of England? Meanwhile, Wayne has fallen in love with Christa, a secretary in the site office.
b: 03/02/1984
When the Boat Goes Out
It's just about time to pack up and go home now that the German government has decided that
all foreign workers will have to register and pay income tax. Dennis has decided
to go back to Vera, so he plans to spend one last night with Dagmar. The rest
of the lads go out on the town. When they get back to the building site, a fire starts and the hut is burnt to the ground.
They all go round to stay the night at Dagmar's place. Next day, the lads go
their separate ways and Dennis, Neville and Oz catch the ferry back to England.
b: 10/02/1984