Bridging the Gap

Dennis, Barry, Neville, Moxey and Bomber are re-united for the first time in years to mark the passing of old friend Oz. But to their amazement, a surprise guest makes an appearance. Oz has turned up to his own wake!  Oz reveals to the rest of the lads that the old Oz Osborne is dead and has been replaced by the new Oz - Leonard Jeffrey Osborne. He no longer drinks and since a spell in prison has put his fighting days behind him.  There's still one member of the 'magnificent seven' missing - Wayne. But his son Wyman, who's travelled up from London, does arrive at the gathering. He reveals that Wayne's died from a rare heart condition. As Bomber reflects, it is a wake after all.  While Oz was behind bars, he met disgraced MP Jeffrey Grainger, and the pair have a proposal that should make the whole gang a fortune. Land on either side of the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge is ripe for development. But the bridge has to go, and the lads' job is to organise its removal. They need to raise £75,000 for the hire of foreign labour to pull the bridge down. But they stand to make £250,000 by selling the bridge.  Eventually the lads agree to the venture and find the money to fund it. Barry's now a wealthy businessman thanks to his import and export business. He's convinced to invest by his new Russian wife Tatiana, after the pair meet Grainger. Neville, whose business sells prefabricated houses over the Internet, is in trouble for not keeping up with VAT payments, so hopes the money he'll make from the deal will sort out his problems. Moxey raids the safe of his boss, local gangster Mickey Startup, and carries the cash all the way from Merseyside to Teesside in a taxi. With Bomber and Wyman also stumping up their share, only Dennis is missing.  Dennis has fallen on bad times. He's now reduced to driving a drug dealer around Newcastle on Tuesdays and Fridays, and working the graveyard shift in his taxi. The rest of the gang value Dennis as a leader and club together to pay his share. They plan to reclaim the money when they make a profit on the bridge. Dennis finally agrees. The 'Magnificent Seven' are back!

b: 28/04/2002

Heavy Metal

The intrepid band of ex-brickies set to work on their new project. In a bid to make them all rich, they’re going to pull down the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge and, with the help of disgraced MP Jeffrey Grainger, sell it abroad.  The lads find themselves in the unusual position of being the gaffers rather than the workers. Their jobs aren’t made any easier by Oz’s decision to bring in cheap foreign labour, who engage in a brawl within seconds of arriving at the site. The hatred stems form the fact that half of the workforce are Kosovons, the other half are Serbs. To avoid a repeat of the war that tore across their homelands, the two groups are deployed to work on different sides of the bridge.  Neville (Kevin Whately) strikes a blow for the workers. When Neville discovers the squalid conditions in which the workers have been living, he demands answers from Oz. It’s revealed that they’re not foreign labour, but illegal immigrants who’ve entered the country hidden in a lorry.  The man behind their arrival is crooked nightclub owner Mickey Startup, still smarting from his safe being robbed of all its money by Moxey. Startup sends one of his men, Teddy Platt, to find and kill the former arsonist. Platt finally catches up with Moxey, and hits him on the head with a gun. But the unconscious Moxey is saved from a worse fate by the intervention of two of the illegal immigrants with a score to settle. They lock Platt into the boot of his car and drive off. Later that night, in the shadow of the Transporter Bridge, a body’s dumped in the River Tees.  Fears grow for Bomber’s health when he collapses in a pub. He’s soon back on his feet, but the revelation that he’s on medication makes the rest of the lads realise he’s not as indestructible as they once thought.  Is Jeffrey Grainger (Bill Nighy) finally showing his true colours? In a bid to find better accommodation for the bridge workers, Oz is sent down to London to ask for more money from Grainger. There, he discovers that the deal to sell the bridge to a buyer in Malaysia is on the rocks. Grainger’s suggestion that the remains of the bridge are used for scrap doesn’t go down well.  Meanwhile, Oz tries to build a few bridges with estranged son Rod. They meet in a trendy bar, where Oz is surprised to learn that Rod's now a singer. Rod’s not interested in anything that Oz has to offer, and turns down the opportunity to join in the celebrations at Neville’s daughter’s 18th birthday party. Wyman puts on his DJ hat to provide the entertainment for the bash, while Neville revels in being surrounded by young nubile women.  Neville admits to Oz that he’s not had sex with wife Brenda since the birth of their youngest daughter. Oz suggests Viagra, but Neville reveals his libido has no problem when he’s in the company of his sexy secretary Lorraine or the attractive shrink he’s been visiting.  Is Barry's (Timothy Spall) marriage to Tatiana (Branka Katic) all it seems?And all is not rosy in Barry’s marriage to the beautiful Russian Tatiana. Oz spots her in a compromising position with Kadi. As Oz reflects to Dennis, how do you tell a bloke his wife’s having it away with her brother!

b: 05/05/2002

Bridge over Troubled Water

Dennis, Oz, Barry, Neville, Moxey and Bomber have reunited, along with Wayne's son Wyman, in the hope of making a tidy profit on dismantling and selling the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge. Has their luck finally changed or is the venture doomed to failure?  The scheme's already hit difficulties. The work’s being carried out by illegal immigrants – Kosovans and Serbs who are continuing their war by catapulting parts of the bridge at each other.  Journalist Nicki Myles begins an investigation into the black market labour working on the bridge. She uses her womanly charms on Neville to get the story and it looks like her exposé is going to bring the project to an end.  But Neville's wife Brenda comes to the rescue. She suggests that the lads present the journalist with the papers Moxey stole from Mickey Startup's safe. Startup's the criminal mastermind responsible for bringing the black market labour into the country, and the papers are evidence that proves his involvement. Nicki's convinced to take the papers to the police, especially when Neville hints that there might be a book in it for her.  After an unsuccessful attempt to track down Moxey in Middlesbrough, Startup returns to Merseyside, where he's arrested by the police.  Things aren't looking too promising for Barry either. He suspects that his Russian business partner Kadi isn't being entirely honest with him. Oz concludes that a man can only take so much bad news in one day, so keeps quiet about his discovery of Kadi and Barry's wife Tatiana in a compromising position.  Barry, Dennis and Bomber hide in Barry's factory to spy on Kadi. They discover that the Russian's using lada cars to ferry drugs across the continent. Barry confronts his wife Tatiana about his find.  Tatiana doesn't see Kadi's behaviour as a problem - they need the money because they like expensive things. Tatiana reminds Barry how she's transformed his appearance so he looks good, smells good and wears beautiful clothes. Barry thinks that honest graft should be enough to make money, while Tatiana believes you cannot be too rich.  Oz's also in for a shock when he goes to see his son Rod sing at Club Tabu in Spennymoor. It turns out to be a gay club and Rod’s dressed up as singing icon Dusty Springfield. Rod admits to Oz that he's gay.  Oz refuses to accept Rod's revelation and thinks it’s a cry for attention. With a little talking to from Wyman and Bomber, Oz starts to get used to the fact. But Rod does make his father very proud, by decking a man who hurls homophobic abuse at them.  Oz tracks down Grainger and discovers the bridge deal has fallen through. It looks like the best outcome for the lads will be to sell the bridge for scrap. Grainger’s offered to settle up for £50,000, which will mean all of the lads have lost money. For Dennis, the latest disasters have been "up there with Newcastle losing the 1998 cup final."  Oz accepts blame for the scheme's likely failure, but attempts to rescue the venture by placing an ad saying 'bridge for sale' on the Internet. A native American, Joe Saugus, sees the ad and contacts Oz. He travels from Arizona to Middlesbrough, with the intention of buying the bridge on behalf of his nation.

b: 12/05/2002 w: Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais d: Paul Seed

A Bridge Too Far

A Native American appears on the banks of the river and wants to buy the rbidge, but there is a problem the boys don't own the bridge, will granger fall for their scheme?  With the deal to sell the Transporter Bridge in tatters, it looks like the lads are going to be left out of pocket - until a native American arrives in Middlesbrough, with the intention of buying the bridge on behalf of his tribe!  Joe Saugus, from Arizona, has seen the advert for the bridge which Oz placed on the Internet. Joe explains how the Indian nations in America are independent of the federal government and that most of their revenue comes from casinos. Because a river lies between his reservation and the casino, it’s currently a 50 mile round trip for tourists, so little money has been made on the venture. A bridge will shorten the journey considerably, attracting more business to the casino. The money made will be used to provide a better quality of life for the tribe.  Joe insists he won't insult them by offering any less than the $2.4 million London Bridge was sold for over 30 years ago. There’s only one problem. The bridge doesn’t belong to the lads. It's owned by Grainger's Haversham Group.  With the help of Sarah, who's working for Grainger and sleeping with Oz, the lads agree a deal with the disgraced MP. Grainger proves that despite his recent book chronicling his moral and spiritual rejuvenation, he’s still untrustworthy. Unaware of Joe's interest in the bridge, Grainger agrees to sell the bridge for £75,000, which will include a £25,000 bung for himself. Oz explains to the rest of the lads that Joe will pay them an advance, once he sees they own the bridge, which will cover their outlay.  The plans divide the group. Neville and Bomber see that Joe’s a good bloke, trying to do the best by his people, while Oz believes they’ve got to think of themselves. Eventually the gang decide they can’t con Joe and admit to him that the bridge isn’t theirs to sell. Joe buys the bridge from the Haversham Group for its true value.  Learning of how the lads have been mis-treated by Grainger, Joe invites them to put the bridge back up in Arizona. Their payment for the job will include a percentage of the increased revenue from the casino over the first five years that the bridge is in place.  The devious Kadi confronts Barry about discovering the true nature of their business. Kadi's using the lada cars to transport drugs from Russia into England. His attempts to placate Barry with more money fail, and with his pilot Lev backing him up, turns aggressive. Quoting Stalin, Kadi says, "If you remove the man, you remove the problem." Joe turns up brandishing a huge knife at just the right moment and Kadi flees.  Oz reveals to Barry that he saw Kadi groping his so called sister Tatiana. With the lads at his side, Barry confronts Kadi and Tatiana. Barry tells Tatiana he wants a divorce, but agrees not go to the authorities about the drug dealing, if Kadi lets him have the plane that was used to transport the drugs. The lads can use it to take the first load of steel with them out to Arizona, while the rest follows by sea.  Meanwhile, Neville's offered immigrant Irena to be his wife by her two brothers. But he tells them he’s already married to Brenda and has to turn down the proposal. Bomber’s poor health gives Dennis cause for concern. He’s determined to fly out to Arizona and tells Dennis how important it is that he’s part of something.  The lads arrive in Arizona and see at first hand the problem of the river and the casino. They look forward to becoming part of Indian folklore by putting up the bridge.  As the gang relax by the swimming pool at their motel, a swat team invades, instructing them to keep still and put their hands on their heads. Drugs are discovered amongst the lads luggage. They’ve been planted by Kadi as revenge.

b: 19/05/2002

Another Country

The ‘Magnificent Seven’ have arrived in Arizona. But as usual trouble’s following close behind. Drugs have been found amongs their luggage. They're all arrested on suspicion of trafficking, a crime that carries a mandatory 20-year prison sentence.  They contact their friend Joe Saugus, who's brought them over to Arizona to re-construct the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge. Joe arranges for Gary Hathaway, an attorney, to represent them.  Barry explains that they’ve been set up by his wife’s ‘brother’ Kadi as an act of retaliation. The seven plead not guilty and are released on bail of $200,000 paid by Joe. Barry says the burden of fighting the charge should rest with him.  Free for now, the group are introduced to the Chocanaw Nation’s tribal council. It soon becomes clear that the council is divided over the bridge and the involvement of ‘outsiders’. As they prepare for work to begin on erecting the bridge, the lads are shown their new living accommodation. The irony's not lost on Oz, Dennis, Barry, Neville, Moxey and Bomber as they find themselves in a hut, similar to the one they shared nearly 20 years ago when they first left England to find work in Germany.  The Medicine Man blesses the ground and the enterprise, and work on the bridge finally begins. The lads are aware that they’ll soon need more experienced men to work on top of the bridge – as Oz puts it, ‘high wire guys with nerves of steel’.  Joe says the tribal council’s insisting that native Americans are used. His son Chip, who’s currently leading a team of workers on a job in Vegas, would be ideal for the job, but he and Joe don’t see eye to eye.  Oz (Jimmy Nail) Dennis, Oz and Neville drive out to Vegas to meet Chip. On the way they stop off for a bite to eat at the Chicken Ranch, which turns out to be a house of ill repute – although as Oz points out it’s all legal in Nevada. After sampling what’s on offer at the Chicken Ranch, then seeing the sights in Vegas, the lads finally get to meet Chip – at the top of high scaffolding. Oz shows his courage by climbing across a girder, way above the Vegas traffic, and convinces Chip to become part of the bridge project.  Back in England, Grainger’s discovered that the bridge wasn’t sold for scrap and has learned from his structural engineer Calhoun, that the lads are putting it back up in Arizona. He’s confident the seven ‘hapless loons’ will mess it up themselves, but if they don’t, he’s got a few plans for them up his sleeve.  A body fished out of the River Tees is identified as Teddy Platt, the hitman sent to Middlesbrough by Startup to kill Moxey. Startup puts the police on Moxey’s trail and news of the murder investigation reaches the lads in Arizona, via a phone call to Neville from his wife Brenda. As Barry points out, they now have the police of two continents hunting them and it’s only a matter of time before interpol and the mounties move in!  The strain of learning the truth about Kadi and Tatiana's deceit is becoming too much for Barry to cope with.  In a moment of madness he storms out of the hut, heading straight for the gorge. Wyman manages to grab him just in time. The lads think Barry’s having some kind of breakdown, as he claims he has nothing to live for.  Meanwhile, Bomber finally admits why his health is suffering. He tells Neville that his liver’s packed up – not through drinking too much alcohol but because he has hepatitis C.  Oz reverts back to his old self when getting to know the locals on a night out. He and Wyman are about to play pool in a bar when two men claim that the table’s theirs. A fight is narrowly averted, but one of the men, Travis, promises to get even with Oz in the future.  The following day, Travis and his friend, see Wyman driving along on his own in a truck and force him off the road. The rest of the lads become increasingly worried about Wyman's whereabouts, due to his lengthy absence from the hut. Joe, Bomber and Moxey go off in search of him. They discover the overturned truck, but there’s no sign of Wyman.

b: 26/05/2002

An Inspector Calls

The gang's latest adventure has taken them all the way from Middlesbrough to Arizona in a bid to find their fortune. But old habits die hard. Just over 15 years since their last enterprise, they've found themselves back sharing a hut in a foreign country.  A massive search is taking place for Wyman who’s been missing since the truck he was driving was found overturned. As night falls, the search is called off until the following morning. But Oz refuses to give up and manages to track down the concussed youngster. Wyman’s taken into hospital but it looks like he’ll soon be recovered and working again on the construction of the Transporter Bridge.  Oz, Dennis and Neville have persuaded Joe’s son Chip to help with the steel work on the bridge. But as soon as one problem’s solved another rears its head. The cradle (the part of the bridge which moves) is missing. It doesn’t take Oz long to realise that Grainger’s got it. Dennis is despatched to England to broker a deal with Grainger for the vital piece.  Grainger, who’d sold the bridge for scrap, discovers the truth about plans to use the former Teesside landmark to increase traffic to the Chocanaw's local casino. He wants in on the deal.  Back in Arizona, it’s decided to invite Grainger to fly out and join the lads. Once they get the cradle, they’ll deal with him. Oz is in favour of making sure Grainger’s permanently lost in the desert.  Moxey’s not too keen as he’s already been connected to one murder – that of Mickey Startup’s hitman Teddy Platt, whose dead body has been fished out of the River Tees. And Detective Inspector Andy Hateley, Cleveland Regional Crime Squad, has come to Arizona to track him down. Moxey goes into hiding and for a while it seems he may have asked the Medicine Man to shape shift him into a bird.  Moxey is in fact hiding at the Medicine Man’s hut, where the 110-year-old’s great granddaughter is about to give birth. Hateley tracks him down and ends up helping to deliver the child. He also reveals that Moxey’s in the clear, following the alibi provided by Dennis, Bomber, Neville and Wyman.  The detective proves to be the answer to all the lads' problems. He arrests Travis, the thug responsible for driving Wyman off the road, following a brawl in the local bar. He also helps out Barry, by revealing that Kadi’s been arrested back in England and is going to plead guilty to all of his crimes, including planting drugs in Barry’s luggage. But his finest hour comes when the lads finally even the score with Grainger.  The disgraced MP attends an honour dance in Arizona, part of which involves him smoking a long pipe. The chilled out Grainger suddenly becomes very open about his dealings and reveals how he got his hands on the cradle.  With the help of Calhoun, he stole it in broad daylight from the Middlesbrough dock. If Grainger, who's currently on probation from his previous conviction, was to be caught, he’d face charges of trespass, hijack, bribery and extortion. Hateley who's been sitting quietly recording the conversation, unseen by Grainger, is very interested in the confession. He handcuffs the politician and leads him off to face another headline-making scandal.  With work on the bridge complete, the Chocanaws’ casino is enjoying a boom in trade. As they depart Arizona, the lads realise they’ve not made the fortune they were aiming for when they first set out on the venture, but along the way they've made a positive difference to Joe and his people.

b: 02/06/2002

Miami Vice (Comic Relief sketch)

After completing work in Venezuela, problems at the airports mean that they are shipwrecked in Miami.  We catch up with them in a hotel lobby desperately trying to find a room.  Meanwhile, Moxey is looking for his case, as finds it, right next to another case exactly the same as his.  Not wanting the take the wrong luggage he opens one, and finds it full of cash!  Moxey being himself, he takes the case with the cash, and rejoins the lads.  The receptionist informs them that the only room is the very expensive honeymoon suite.  Moxey pulls out a wad on money and say that they will take it.  Once upstairs the lads question Moxey about the money.  Moxey tells them about the case switch, and the lads begin to worry.  Was it drug money?  Does it belong to the mafia? And Neville is worried as his hair dryer is in the other case!  Soon after, the bell boy comes up, and after Moxey gives him a handsome tip, the bell boy, Fabio, put himself at their disposal, so they send him for some cheeseburgers.  Very soon after there is a knock at the door.  It to quick for the food, so that lads hide the cash and answer it.  It is a huge, well built American called Frank.  He has found Moxey's other bag and therefore traced them.  He informs them they must bring the cash to the bosses upstairs in five minutes.  But who are the bosses?  Gangsters?  Triads?  On going upstairs they find the bosses.  None other than Bono and the Edge!  Bono thanks them for the money, and get them all tickets for their concert that they will be performing.  Bono informs them that all of the money is going to comic relief.  The Edge and Frank cannot believe this, and begin to debate this with Bono.  The lads decide to make a quiet exit.

b: 14/03/2003